Emotionally ADD

Okay, sorry it has taken me so long to get a blog in, but I have been a little pre-occupodo!

My son, Mauldin, finally decided to arrive on Saturday, March 21^st at 10:13 AM. He came out weighing 5lbs, 6 ounces and 18 ¼ inches long. My wife, Laura, started having major labor contractions on Friday, March 20^th around 9:30 PM. We had eaten grilled chicken.. the weather was so nice so we decided to use our new grill my parents had bought us this past Christmas. After dinner, all was well… we had been to the OB earlier that day, around 4PM, for our weekly check-up.

Laura’s doctor came in all smiles and asked us if we were ready to have this baby… “I certainly can try to speed things along,” he said with his back to us and popping his fingers inside a latex rubber glove. “That is, if you want me to!”

Laura’s eyes were huge and I could basically read her mind…

“What exactly do you mean?” said Laura. “We are ready, but what is speed things along entail?”

“I can strip your membranes!” said the Doctor.

At the sound of this I was totally confused and sure I was not destined to be a doctor… I mean having this baby tonight sounded great, but were we ready?

Bottom line, our Doctor, “stripped” Laura’s membranes and let us know… well more like cautioned us, that doing this “may cause labor within the next 24-48 hours.” We, of course, held strong that Mauldin was still not going to come. We had our hopes up so many times that doing this surely wouldn’t cause “true” labor.

10:00 PM – We are in bed, I thought it would be nice to watch a movie in bed on this Friday night, so I picked “Spaceballs!” We hardly got into where Princess Vespa runs from the alter when Laura insists we may need to head on to the hospital. We decide together not to inform anyone about this, as to not insue or cause anyone to panic and show up at the hospital only for it to be, yet another, false alarm.

At about 12:30AM on Saturday, March 21, the nurse comes into our triage room to ask if she was comfortable.

“You’re contractions seem to be pretty strong and really close together.” Said the Nurse. “Would you like to have your epidural?”

“Epidural?” I yelped with a surprised reaction. “But, I don’t want to pay for an epidural and then be sent home!”

“No, no Sir.” Said the nurse. “If your wife is given an epidural… she will be admitted to a room today… to have the baby.”

“Are you kiddin’?” I said in shocked amazement! “But… we… uhhhh…”

“So, this is, like, it?” said Laura

“Pretty much, yah!” replied the nurse while she was inputting information into the computer next to Laura.

Right then, I whipped out my cell phone to call our family and friends to tell them the exciting news… in between each contraction that is… Laura needed me to count her through her contractions that were now 2-3 minutes apart and all seemed to inflict equal amounts of pain.. So, that meant I had to talk quick… if the person I was calling did not answer on the second dial, at 12:45 AM, then I had to go on to the next person. Thankfully, my mom, sister, dad, mother-in-law, father-in-law and sister-in-laws were all readily available. I called my boss as well to inform her so that she knew that I would not be in on Monday. I had decided early on that I would be taking a week off of work to be with Laura and the little man, so it was very important she was aware of the current events.

Fast forward… 10:00 AM on Saturday, March 21, 2009 and we are in full-blown labor… who knew that in 13 minutes our son would literally pop-out into the world!

1-2-3-4-5-6-7-8-9-10 PUSH…

1-2-3-4-5-6-7-8-9-10 PUSH…

1-2-3-4-5-6-7-8-9-10 PUSH…

I have never counted to ten so many times in my life… but it was totally worth it and I have a whole new respect for my wife. Laura is one of the strongest and most determined women I know… I never left her side… I wanted to make sure I was there to experience every moment, every precious moment that I could never get back… each and every second that went by was something I could file as one of the most amazing life experiences I could ever witness.

And, at 10:13AM he was here… after all this time… after all the singing to a belly and reading to a bump… I get to see what my wife and I made all those nine months ago. The nine months that seem like a lifetime.

Fast forward to today… I am back at work, after my one week off with my new family… and I know it wasn’t enough time. I woke up and knew I would have to leave them. But, would he remember me when I got back? What if our baby’s short term memory doesn’t work yet and he totally forgets who I am.. what I smell and sound like? Will I just be another stranger who wants to hold him for a bit and then gives him back up to his mom? All during the time I was home I wanted to hold him 24/7… but I knew that was a bad idea because if we did that he would never learn to be alone and sleep alone. We have a baby now… it is just unreal to me. Honestly, during the entire stint in the hospital Friday – Sunday… I thought they were testing us.

“Oh, you didn’t hold him right today, Sir… we are going to have to take him, sorry.”

We are taking things one day at a time. One night he sleeps soundly the other he is up at all hours… the sleep deprivation set in on day two… There is also one tiny... hiccup... he is 5lbs so that means none of the newborn diapers fit him... nor will any of the newborn clothes... so we have had to stock up on packs of premie diapers. Please, I wanna take this moment to thank all of you who have bought Mauldin some new clothes... otherwise he would be hanging out in his diaper and a blanket only!

After Mauldin's debut... I cried for about 30 seconds and then the tears disappeared and never returned. What was wrong with me? Why was I being such a unfeeling, unemotional bastard? My son was just born and my emotions were on hiatus! Well, so I thought… until… he peed on me. I remember it clearly… I was sitting next to Laura, on the squeaky, hospital bed trying to burp him from his afternoon snack and I felt a warm, wet sensation in my lap. Right then, on the bed, the tears began to flow… I lowered my face so no one would see…

“How embarrassing!” I said “Here comes the ugly.”

I tend to make really ugly faces when I get emotional and cry. One thing I certainly have noticed, in my son, in the one week I was with him… he gets upset when you change his diaper and makes the ugly cry. But, will this be the only time he looks like me? During the ugly cry? Well, that is just depressing.

It all came out… it was like I had an IV of estrogen attached to me. I couldn’t stop it. Everything I had been feeling… all the happy’s, all the sad’s, all the mad’s, all the good and the bad came out. I didn’t want to be rude or mean to nurses, family or friends… I was having a emotional outbreak with ADD! What was wrong with me? I unintentinally insulted probably everyone... My thoughts were running... they wouldn't stop!

Will I be a good dad to his little guy? Why doesn’t he look more like me? Why??? All his clothes are too small! He sure does sleep a lot! Will he like me? What if I don’t make a good impression on him and he always wants mommy? I would like to learn some stuff on my own… I need help… I can do it by myself… we need help! Why is he still crying? Why doesn’t he look like me? Why are his legs so long? Will he ever fit in his high chair? Why doesn't he look more like me?

Please understand… my mind is a complex thing and it fluxuates in five million different directions. However, I am incredibly stable! One thing is for certain… We are overjoyed, thrilled and ecstatic to have this little guy in our lives now! He is the perfect addition our family. I love you Laura and Mauldin...

Mauldin, Daddy will be home soon.

A New Normal...

Today, it was certainly evident, to me, that my wife is getting frustrated…

Laura is ready, ready to… well, NOT be pregnant anymore. Now, don't get me wrong… this pregnancy has actually been a fairly easy one, from my point-of-view, and not too many complications; aside from the occasional pre-term labor scares and the couple of weeks on bed rest. But, she sent me a text message today that said…

"I can't wait for our baby to be here so we can just get back to a normal pace."

I guess after almost 39 weeks of sharing my body with something I would be ready to have it back too!

It struck me… Normal pace? We will never be living at a normal pace again. No matter if our son comes today or two weeks from now… we can never go back… we will have a "new" (slightly sleep deprived, yet improved) normal from the moment he is born! Please, understand, I am excited about our "new" normal, but I know we both do not take a quick change as easy as people may assume.

One thing I am confident of is… Laura is keen on getting back into shape and back into her old clothes… She complains about how nothing fits anymore… how her "cankles" ache. (Please NOTE: her idea of cankles are hardly cankles!) As we walk by the bikinis at Target or she flips through the Victoria Secret catalog… she automatically says,

"oh, one day soon my friends… just you wait! I will be with you soon!"

I know that she is raring to go and have this labor begin. Although, when it starts she may change her tune; we will just have to wait and see.

I know that my wife is one of the strongest and most positive people I know… so labor, complete with epidural, should be a walk in the park. (Notice how I can say this because I am a man and have no idea what it would feel like to have something the size of a watermelon come out of my… well okay.) I, of course, will be there supporting her the entire time… One thing I will not be doing is making sure I institute the teachings of the church of Scientology. If my woman wants to scream… let it be known… she can yell, scream and shout out anything she wants!

We are truly ready for our lives to never be the same. One day maybe Kelly Clarkson will change her mind... this is such an exciting time for us... I couldn't imagine not wanting to experience being a parent.

Not to get too psychological, but after the labor, our "new" normal will begin to unfold… the new tapestry that is weaved into our lives will be set forth into motion. The old becomes new, different… and our future will have arrived!

Mauldin will be our "new" normal…

"Lets go to the Mall!"

Today my wife, Laura, is going to meet her mom, my mother-in-law, Carol, and they are going "Mall Walking!"

She thinks this might make the labor progress a little more, because she tends to get stronger contractions while she is on her feet.



So, we'll see if walking by Victoria Secret & The Disney Store will cause Mauldin to try and make an appearance...

Breaking Water

A night does not go by, anymore, where I do not have a difficult time staying asleep.

If my wife, Laura, gets out of bed, I immediately wonder…

“Is this it!?”

I lay in the bed and hope and pray her water does not break so I am lying in a pool of her amniotic fluid. But, it may just so happen… although it would be a shame because we have a really nice KING SIZE tempurpedic mattress. I love our bed… and yes, we have put down some pads, but I’m sure when it does happen, if it were to happen at night, she would be laying up against me and not where the pad is…

I imagine, statistically, Laura will go into labor when I am NOT with her… I am at work from 8am-4:30pm, and on Tuesdays I leave from work to go to school until 10:45pm… Thursdays, I have class, after work, until 7:15pm. But, let’s just hope it happens when I am with her, but just NOT at 3am in our bed.

I know, I know… “you can’t plan it!” Although, I can hope… so leave me with that.

I have been having dreams about Laura giving birth… one dream my son, Mauldin, came out already walking… that was interesting to say the least. Laura insists he gets lower everyday, and who am I to disagree with her.. it’s her body! But, honestly, I can’t tell at all. All I can really tell is he is still in there; which is good, because we are going to be at 35 weeks this Friday! We have just a little over two weeks until he is considered full-term and after that it’s all good.

I think Laura has begun to start really wanting him to come because she is pretty uncomfortable. She wants to start getting her body back… she wants to be active again. I will somewhat agree… because it is hard to sit around the house and know we could go out and go to the movies or out to dinner, but we can’t go too far or be gone too long because she gets so uncomfortable so easy. In all honesty, I am ready to have the little bundle of joy here so we can finally see the little person who has been kicking and rolling around in my wife’s womb for the past few months. It is amazing how it has gone by so fast and it feels like just a few weeks ago we had come to the conclusion we weren’t gonna get pregnant and the next thing I know we’re out picking out various toys and bibs at babies-r-us!

So, basically we have two weeks to go… and then… if he hasn’t decided to come… we can either go to Ippilitos for Laura to have some EGGPLANT Parmesan, or… well there are ways, riiiight?

Rachel from friends giving birth…

My son wants to catch the worm...

It sure is an eye-opening experience when you’re sitting at your desk pretty content on doing your job when you receive a phone call expressing that your wife is on the way to the hospital because she is having contractions!!! Five minutes apart, no less. I was not sure how to even react to this news…

“It can’t be time yet,” I thought… “we are only 33 weeks along! He can’t come yet… he still has some cookin’ to do…”

I received this phone call at 4:02pm, on Thursday afternoon, and all in the next 30 minutes, I was able to call my boss, explain the situation and meet my wife, and mother-in-law, at the elevators of labor & delivery! Yes, I think I broke a few speeding laws on the way, but my mind was going 1,000 miles a minute and I almost broke down into the fetal position, ironically the very position my son is in, and swayed back-n-forth while saying… “not yet… not yet… not yet…”

However, that didn’t happen… I was able to pull myself together and be calm and chill as a 1999 bottle of white wine… (in which I was needing a glass of, bad!) That was until I got to the hospital...

On the way there...I made sure to contact my mom and sister to make sure they were aware of what was going on... "Is she okay?" my mom said in a rushed and motherly voice...

"Yes, mom, as far as I know, but when I find out exactly what is going on, I will call you back!"

I made it! Finally, after I parked, I made it inside and there were the elevators and to my right I heard...

“Hey baby,” my wife, Laura, said when greeting me at the elevator. I took a deep breath and looked at her belly. She had on a mint green shirt and gray sweatpants. I know this wasn’t her first choice of attire, but with the need to be comfortable, over chic, she obliged to comfort.

“How are you feelin’, you okay?” I quickly interjected during our embrace.

“Yeah, I’m fine, the doctors just felt I needed to be monitored…” she said, “That’s all!” How is she being so calm, I thought... she could go into frickin' labor!?!?!

I glanced over to my right, there stood my mother-in-law, Carol, she seemed as calm as could be, but I knew inside she was pretty much freaking out, but would never let her daughter see this because she knew deep down as soon as “she” looked nervous Laura would lose it. So, I took this as a cue that I should calm down as well… and honestly, how could I even really freak out because I truly could not imagine Mauldin being born on this day.. this day of days when I only had a caramel macchiato, from Starbucks, for lunch. This is Thursday, February 5^th, this isn’t a day for my child to be born… this is the day BEFORE he is 33 weeks… I will not freak out because this is not the day my son will arrive to this world in his birthday suit. Besides, this isn’t the day I picked for the “pick-a-date” pool…

We walk in and are put into “triage,” which by just that word sounds scary… like we are on M.A.S.H. or something… Triage, I have only heard that word whenever we are watching a disaster movie where there has been mass destruction!!!!

After being hooked up to numerous machines, Laura is monitored as to make sure Mauldin doesn’t arrive… her contractions are still in full force, but from what I can tell she isn’t in a lot of pain. The nurse comes in to let us know Laura should be drinking atleast eight glasses of water a day… and they will be giving her a “shot” to lessen and hopefully stop said contractions. Although, they do warn, my wife, this shot may cause her to feel a little “different” for a short while. Oh, and that is certainly what happens… she starts shivering and shaking as if she hadn’t had her heroine today! (NOTE: My wife is not a junkie by any means) I had to hold her cup of water to make sure it didn’t shimmy out of her hand… There was nothing I could do, but stand there and watch… I wrapped my arm around her shoulders trying to hold her to show some sort of comfort, but she still shook…

What we do for our children.

Okay, fast forward three and a half hours and we are finally allowed to leave… her contractions have ceased… the shivering is over and her blood pressure is back to normal. So, now all we can do is wait… We certainly do not know how soon he will decide to grace us with his presence, but lets hope and pray that the lil’ guy has a little more patience than his dad because as the nurses say…

“White boys are whimpy!” He needs to wait until ATLEAST the first week in March.

Please, oh please, let him be somewhat punctual and not an early bird!!!