Baby Talk

The other day my wife, Laura, and I were sitting around in my son’s, currently vacant, nursery and were in complete awh of how it is almost finished… almost because it is missing one significant, little tiny, but most important detail! Mauldin!

“Can you believe it?” said Laura while rocking in our big, brown comfy chair. “It seems like just yesterday we were moving the twin bed out of here to make room for all of Mauldin’s things.”

“Yah,” I said while sitting in the floor Indian style, like a small child waiting for a present. “I didn’t think this nursery would ever be complete.”

“Well, it isn’t yet… yah know?” said Laura.

“I know,” I said. “but as soon as he gets here…”

“It will be totally complete.” Said Laura as she scanned the room; from the cherry finished crib to her left to the open closest, that stood open, in front of her. The closet is so full now. It has a wide range of baby clothes from 0-3 to 6-12 months. Little osh-kosh overalls, cute little polo rompers and of course the little new balance shoes that hang so innocently in the shoe hanger on the door.

“Do you think we will remember what clothes he has?” I said wide-eyed and starting to get a slight head-ache. “I mean, we have so many clothes… how can we possibly get him in all those clothes by the time he grows out of them! I seriously think we have over 200 onesies!”

I reached over to my left and pulled open the top drawer to his changing table. The drawer was a little cumbersome to open without some of the clothes spilling out.

“No, I don’t think we will.” Said Laura with a sweet coy smile. She was holding up one of the little, blue newborn shirts with a pink pig on it. The shirt read Our lil’ Ham!

“But, we certainly will try… how cute is this?” she continued with a voice that is a little more high pitched than normal and a hint of baby talk. “He is gonna be so adorable!”

“Yes,” I started. “But, lets just hope we don’t hear the… awh what a cute outfit, instead of, awh what a cute baby! That’s when you know your baby isn’t that cute.”

Laura didn’t even reply to my comment; she continued with her nesting, all the while she was still sitting in the big, brown chair. Laura was focused on folding some of the receiving blankets. She was using her pregnant belly as a way to assist her in the folding.

I sat on the floor and my mind began to wonder off into what it was going to be like, in a few weeks, after my son had arrived. Would his poop make me wanna puke? What if I give him the wrong kind of advice, as a father? More importantly, will he like Star Wars? All of a sudden, I am brought back to the present… as I hear…“would you like that?” Was my wife talking and I was not paying attention? How long had I been gone? Can I play this off without her knowing? I think of that Ellen skit where she shows you how to play off that you weren’t paying attention. I figure, oh why not try it!

I look at her, smile and shake my head as I am nodding yes… Yes! I passed it off… she had no idea! Then I thought.. holy crap Batman – I have no idea, at ALL, to what I was agreeing to. I was hoping it was just about what we would maybe be having for dinner…

I immediately follow and say “hey, you wanna go watch Smallville?” We are big Smallville fans... we have every season except for the current one, of course.

Laura is usually always up for that and this time was no different… my wife is used to my ADD tendancies, so this did not phase her at all.

So, where was I? Ooooh Shiney!

The Big Brown Chair

It has become quite apparent that Laura’s pregnancy clock is winding down. At first it took forever for her to start showing and now we can’t go anywhere without someone asking…

“when are you due?” or “do you know what are you having?”

I sometimes like to joke around with the person who asks the question by saying…

In a hushed, but obviously sarcastic tone… “shhh… she already had the baby” or “no, we aren’t pregnant, she’s just gained a little weight over the holidays!”

Their faces are priceless and they are not sure how to react to this and then an overwhelming sense of reassurance fills their eyes as they quickly figure out that I was joking. (I mean, would I really say that about my wife? Comon! "Where's your brain!?)

I am certainly shocked at how fast it all has gone and it has basically been a “blink-or-you-might-miss-it” nine months. One aspect of the pregnancy that went by really fast was when we ordered our “baby chair” or “glider.” My wife, Laura, wanted one really bad, so, of course, in the “she gets whatever she wants” fashion we ordered her a special chair. It is a very, oh so very comfortable and squishy brown chair. Although, of course, it isn’t exclusively “her” chair… we are all welcome to use it :)

On this past Sunday afternoon, the wind was minimal, but a chill was still in the air. Laura, our friend Amanda, and myself had just left Target and headed on to the "Comfortable Chair" store to pick up our brand new glider for Mauldin’s room. Upon walking to the store we could see a lot of activity inside, through the windows, which had big signs splattered all over such as: “SALE!” & “CLEARANCE!”

We walk into the store and it was hopping! There are more people in the store, on this day, than we have ever seen before, and we knew that was different because we had been four times prior (we like to research almost every purchase we make). There is only one guy working this day... he is one of the owners...

“How is he just gonna leave all those people unattended in the store?” Questioned Amanda. We knew he was gonna have to help us carry this chair out, so is he just gonna leave all these potential customers?

“I am not sure,” I said. “Usually his wife is there! But, I don’t think someone will just pick up one of those chairs and run out the door…”

“You never know…” said Laura.

We walk in and approach the store owner in the back of the store. He was tall, thin, dark haired and looked about in his late fifties. He was casually sitting at his desk, with a computer and a myriad of papers strode all over the cherry finished desk. The desk was probably a good five years old, it was already chipping on the corners and you could see a couple of scratches on the sides.

“Hi!” said Laura. “We are here to pick up our gilder, you called and said it was ready.”

“Okay. Name?” said the man behind the desk.

“Skates,” I and Laura said simultaneously.

“If you will drive around back,” said the man, with a monotone voice. “I will help you load it into your car.”

We left the store and strolled to Laura’s SUV and drove around to the back of the store where we saw a couple of old, rusted truck trailers.

“Is that where our chair is?” said Laura with a disgusted look on her face.

“I believe so,” I said.

“Where am I supposed to park!?!?” Laura said in a hurried voice.

“Right here.” I said “Look, there he is, stop!”

“I am.” Said Laura, in a tone at which I have heard many times when I know she is annoyed.

I got out of the car to see him unlocking the trailer like it was his locker in high school, very carefully, as not to let anyone see his combination.

I walk into the trailer, with him, which smelled like combination of new upholstery, wet mildew and rust. He picked up a box first and headed towards our car.

“This is your ottoman.” said the man.

“Thanks!” I quickly retorted.

He then went back into the trailer to get our chair. Our chair, this is the first time we will finally see it! We have only seen a chair like it in the store. We had picked out a different color because the green one they had on the floor wouldn’t work in our nursery. This chair, a beautiful, brown, plushy piece of magnificent furniture for our little man-child is finally being unveiled. It was wrapped loosely with plastic wrap which looked like it was ready to be cooked in a huge microwave.

“It isn’t really heavy” said the man, while he was straining to put it in the SUV. “ I’m sure a strapping, young man like yourself won’t have a problem getting it in your house.”

“No, I think I can handle it.” I said with a hint of hope in my voice.

“There we go!” I said. “We finally have another piece to add to Mauldin’s nursery.”

“Yep!” said Laura with excitement.

“I just can’t wait till Mauldin gets here,” said Amanda. “I wanna see him!”

“So do we!” Laura and I said “in-stereo!”

With one big brown chair added to our home caused both euphoria and then stress when we figured out we would have to re-arrange almost everything in the room. Not to mention, the chair was a pain to get through the door way! We almost had to take it off the hinges!

After getting the chair in the room we realized…uh oh, it doesn’t fit in the corner we had previously wanted it to go. So, we ended up having to change positions of a couple of pictures on the wall, and we had to move the crib and the changing table too! All in all, everything worked out for the best! Although, we are still confused about how we can add more furniture to the room and make the room look BIGGER!

Also, let me add… the roach we found in the box the ottoman came in wasn’t a welcome surprise either.

But, let me say, our weekend wasn’t short of entertainment… well atleast for us :)