What would Mauldin do?

Well, it's finally Friday, y'all!

I am really excited about the weekend because it is the time that I get to spend with both my mommy and daddy at the same time. I am sad when daddy is at work all day... but mommy is a lot of fun and lets me watch Mickey Mouse Club House and Sesame Street!

Maybe mom and dad will take me to play in the pool again... that was fun!

Also, it is my mommy's birthday on Sunday...

So, happy birthday, mommy!

Enjoy your weekend everyone - stay safe and when you think about doing something bad... just say -"what would Mauldin do?"

29

It occurred to me, the other day, on Easter, that I was hitting a major milestone along with my son… I was having my 29^th Easter and my son was having his first!

A few days prior, to Easter, I had my 29^th birthday. Now, please understand, I know 29 is just a number, but coming to grips with the idea that I was actually that much closer to 30 kinda freaked me out.

Has my hair really receded that much? Has my waistline grown more? Is my back going out more than normal? I can say yes to two of the three and I won’t specify which ones. Hint: I will say that I noticed my age the other day when I went to the gym… I haven’t worked out pretty much since Mauldin arrived. I certainly haven’t had the time, but Laura is losing weight faster than the speed of light. However, it seems I am gaining what she is losing. I walked into the gym and proceeded to hop on the nearest treadmill… I wanted to do the elliptical machine, but all were taken at that moment. Of course, the machine I want to use is… well, in use. I run on the treadmill for approx. 10 minutes, give or take a second to tie my shoe… and head over to the bike machine because the Elliptical was still being used. It would be my luck as soon as I start the bike someone finishes up on the Elliptical machine and someone else hops on right away… I had no idea they were so damn popular! Anyway, I ride the bike for another 15 minutes and head home… My muscles were already burning from that small amount of cardio – what is wrong with me? I used to run a six minute mile, although, the key word was “used” to. The next day, while I am at work… I take a deep breath and “Ohh,” my back… some muscle, I hadn’t used in a while decided he was pissed off and needed a moment to flare up and screw up my day…. Sorry, week.

Now, it also occurred to me, while on said treadmill, Mauldin and I are 28 years and some days apart… now I guess that makes me qualified to say “trust me, I’ve been there” and “because I said so…” when he gets old enough to ask me questions, but honestly, when you think about it, I’m a full-blown adult! At least, I am considered one by law, although, I don’t feel it. My mother-in-law, Carol, gave me a gift card to Abercrombie and, although, it is a very nice gift, should I still be wearing Abercrombie? I walk into the store and gag at the amount of cologne they spray in the air and are, more often than none, given shifty and dodgy looks by the other patrons and employees of the store. I mean I know I am not going to switch over to denim from Sears or JC Penny, but I don’t want to be one of those parents who walks around still wearing stupid clothes that I wore when I was 22! I have some choice t-shirts that I think are pretty funny, but I wouldn’t be caught dead wearing out in public, anymore.

For example:

Horn if you’re Honky

Original Foreplay

I’m naked under this shirt

Nebraska: It’s a great shukin’ state

I mean, my wife and I actually made an agreement, at 26, to cease and desist shopping at certain retailers after 28, because it just makes us feel old when we go in there… But, am I really there? Will someone nominate me to the show “What Not To Wear?”

I am seriously not sure if I would feel comfortable having such restriction just because of my age… however, when we are out and about we see parents who have piercings in odd places and baggy jeans past their butt with huge chains, etc… while strolling through Target with their children in tow. I do not wanna be “those parents.”

So, I am currently working on sifting through my closet to retire many of my favorite and most comfortable T’s…

I cannot believe I am (and I quote) “pushing 30.” Lord give me strength.

P.S. – my back is much better, so gym, here I come! (and for the record, I workout with my shirt on... stupid Bo-flex commercials...)

My son, the night owl!

We are never really certain what nights we will be able to catch our ZZZzzzz’s lately. Our newborn son, Mauldin, loves to keep his new mommy and daddy on their toes. Although, only being a week old I am more than sure he doesn’t understand what “sleep” time is; considering he sleeps 90% of the day. How can he actually determine when he should be sleeping and when it is optional? So, I guess I can cut the lil’ guy some slack. Talk to me again about this in six months.

“I think Megan will be voted off tonight,” I said while sitting on the couch next to Laura. “She is really cute, but I just can’t get past the tattoos!”

It is Wednesday night, and nothing we really watch is on TV, so we watch whatever is available. This season we have caught maybe two episodes of the Fox reality talent show, American Idol. I pretty much loathe the show, but we still catch the occasional episode to stay up on the pop culture phenom that has spread across the nation.

Carol, my mother-in-law, is sitting, comfortably, rocking Mauldin, in the wooden rocking chair that was my grandmothers while my wife, Laura, and I sit, side by side, on our laptops, lounging between the pillows, on the couch behind her. We sometimes enjoy our laptop time right before bedtime, in the bed, or just sitting around in the kitchen, but most of the time it is on the couch in front of the television. I had just finished my late-night cup of decaf coffee and bowl of cheeszits. This used to be a normal night for Laura and I, minus the mother-in-law, but we have not had time lately; mainly because Mauldin really likes to monopolize our time! How dare he, I know.

“There,” said Laura. “I just got finished uploading pictures to facebook for the first time since we got home from the hospital.”

Ever since we have gotten home, a week ago, we have taken probably 150 pictures… so if you really think about it is about 21 pictures a day… give or take. I am not counting the ones we’ve deleted! I mean can you blame us? Obviously, we are a little fanatical about our first born.

We usually head up to bed around 10PM. I hop off the couch and make my way over to Laura’s mom to scoop up the little man. This sometimes comes with some form of protest because Mauldin is such an addiction that anyone who holds him becomes entranced in his aura. It is like his baby pheromones, he gives off, trap anyone who has embraced him.

“Alrighty, Mauldin, it’s time to go upstairs,” I say with a fervent voice… I always plan for a whining and “awwwhhh” to follow after I spout the words from my lips. He looks so comfortable and cozy. The little man is in his little onesie that dawns a baby blue elephant, on the front, with the words, “lil’ peanut” embroidered under it. Mauldin squeaks a little as I slide my right hand under his warm head and my left under his itty bitty booty.

“All-right little man, it’s time for your late-night din-din!” I exclaim.

I always try to wake him up before he eats… otherwise he will just lie in Laura’s arms, his face against her bosom, totally zonked out. Now please understand… our child sleeps probably 18-20 hours out of the 24 hour day our Earth is known for! I asked our pediatrician how long this will go on for and she winced at the very utterance of my query.

“Usually babies continue on this type of sleep pattern for about..” she said while pursing her lips and pausing to look through his manila office folder. “About three-four months,” she finished.

“Please wake him up…” says Laura. “It is so hard to feed a sleeping babe.”

“I’ll do my best!” I replied.

One certain way that I know can wake up our child is to take him and place him on the changing table… Our child, for some reason, hates to have his diaper changed. I have a theory, as to why he does not enjoy the changing of the diaper. My hypothesis is that he is brought back to a time when he was strapped down and a cold clamp chopped off a bit of his… well, you know what I mean. That certainly would make me rethink some things! So, lately he has been a little more docile when we have gone to clean up the mess that was left on the underside of his buttocks. Maybe he has placed the memory of the circumcision waaay back in the black hole of his baby psyche.

“Mauldin, comon’ lil man, lets wake up so we catch have some of mommy’s yummy lactation!” I said.

“Eric… that would not make me wanna wake up…” said Laura while positioning herself on the bed with a brown boppy by her side.

“Well, what else should I do?” I reply with a raised eyebrow.

“I don’t know! Be creative!” replied Laura.

Thankfully, he awoke from his slumber, still a little groggy, but a form of consciousness! This time is the perfect window to introduce the “milk” to him. However, after about 10 minutes of feeding Mauldin tends to start slipping into his milk coma. Although, this night was not one of those nights. The more Mauldin eats, from his “breast” friend, he more he is roused to an awakened state.

“No, this is a little bad…” I said… “Why is he so awake? It is almost 11:30 PM! He needs to start winding down again… for his bed time!”

“I don’t know…” said Laura. “Maybe he slept too much today! Maybe he has to poop, maybe he has gas… maybe he…”

“He what? He wants to stare at the fan more?” I said in a confused and perplexed voice.

That is just what the little guy did… he laid in my arms and kicked and squirmed and would not stay still… then I heard the beautiful sound that I had been waiting for… *burrrp!* He burped! He usually does this about 3-5 times before he winds down for sleepy time and the sandman isn’t far behind. But, this night the sandman must of taken a vacation. Mauldin laid on the bed wide-eyed and awake. It is now 12AM and my wife is lying by my side asleep. I know this little guy is not going to give in anytime soon and I have to get up at 6:30 AM to get ready for work! I did the thing I really didn’t want to do… I gave in… I got up from the warm bed and made my way into the guest room where my mother-in-law was sleeping soundly. Or, for all I know, was lying awake just waiting for a little knock-knock on the door. Mauldin’s crying was so sporadic it was hard to tell if he was upset or just irritated that we were trying to make him go to bed.

Maybe he is just a night owl and wondering when he will be able to stay up and watch that colorful screen that his parents watch on a daily basis. What if he is just testing us to see how much power he has… “Maybe I can change the entire time-clock in this house! Mwhahahahaha!” –thinks Mauldin.

All-in-all I felt really bad giving up my son, to someone else, to Carol, my mother-in-law, to soothe to sleep… I am his father! Why can’t I do it? I am thankful to have had my mother and my mother-in-law the past two weeks, but, I, honestly, almost cried about it because after Friday Laura and I are on our own. What if this happens every night? I was hoping I would be a better father… A father who could soothe the savage beast inside my son. How could it be that our son would be put in the statistics book of the amount of children who grasp hold of their parent’s night and choke them to death until they are reduced to a walking Inferi, a zombie-like corpse that is dead to the world yet still sits behind a desk during the day…

It would be that as soon as I ditched my pride, for my sleep, he quieted down almost immediately. Well, I guess this parenting thing is about compromise and right now my sleep is being highly compromised. Well, let’s hope and pray by… counting in my head the months… June… he will be a little more adapt to our sleep schedule. I anticipate we will successful and can blend our son into the normal society sleep program. If not… I may need therapy, or a long nap!

A New Normal...

Today, it was certainly evident, to me, that my wife is getting frustrated…

Laura is ready, ready to… well, NOT be pregnant anymore. Now, don't get me wrong… this pregnancy has actually been a fairly easy one, from my point-of-view, and not too many complications; aside from the occasional pre-term labor scares and the couple of weeks on bed rest. But, she sent me a text message today that said…

"I can't wait for our baby to be here so we can just get back to a normal pace."

I guess after almost 39 weeks of sharing my body with something I would be ready to have it back too!

It struck me… Normal pace? We will never be living at a normal pace again. No matter if our son comes today or two weeks from now… we can never go back… we will have a "new" (slightly sleep deprived, yet improved) normal from the moment he is born! Please, understand, I am excited about our "new" normal, but I know we both do not take a quick change as easy as people may assume.

One thing I am confident of is… Laura is keen on getting back into shape and back into her old clothes… She complains about how nothing fits anymore… how her "cankles" ache. (Please NOTE: her idea of cankles are hardly cankles!) As we walk by the bikinis at Target or she flips through the Victoria Secret catalog… she automatically says,

"oh, one day soon my friends… just you wait! I will be with you soon!"

I know that she is raring to go and have this labor begin. Although, when it starts she may change her tune; we will just have to wait and see.

I know that my wife is one of the strongest and most positive people I know… so labor, complete with epidural, should be a walk in the park. (Notice how I can say this because I am a man and have no idea what it would feel like to have something the size of a watermelon come out of my… well okay.) I, of course, will be there supporting her the entire time… One thing I will not be doing is making sure I institute the teachings of the church of Scientology. If my woman wants to scream… let it be known… she can yell, scream and shout out anything she wants!

We are truly ready for our lives to never be the same. One day maybe Kelly Clarkson will change her mind... this is such an exciting time for us... I couldn't imagine not wanting to experience being a parent.

Not to get too psychological, but after the labor, our "new" normal will begin to unfold… the new tapestry that is weaved into our lives will be set forth into motion. The old becomes new, different… and our future will have arrived!

Mauldin will be our "new" normal…

Baby Gap

It is one thing to be prepared, but a totally different thing to be Eric & Laura Skates. We are known to over-plan, over-worry, over-spend & above all, over-pack!

“As soon as you guys relax” says Janice, my mother, in a tone that echoes years of experience of a woman way beyond her years… “and are unprepared, it will happen... He wants to surprise you!”

Laura and I have been so surprised at how slow this process of, the end, seems to be! Why won’t he come? Why? We have heard it all… patience.. he will come when he comes.. blah, blah, blah…

Okay that is good and all, but hurry it up, lil’ man! We are ready to see you…

“Thanks mom,” I reply with a hint of annoyance. “But, it… I.. okay, fine...”

For some reason parents tend to be correct, no matter how much you don’t want them to be, but soon I will be one of “those” parents, so I guess I can cut my parents, and in-laws, some slack, huh?

This past weekend, my wife Laura and I went out to do some last minute shopping… you know to better prepare Mauldin for his arrival into this world. We figured one more pair of socks would do the trick.

“You know,” said Laura, “if he waits just a few more days he can be an Aries, like his daddy!” She says this with a bright-eyed smile across her face all the while sliding hangers around a for sale rack in Baby Gap.

“Can you handle that?” I replied.

“Ohh… well, I guess we’ll see!” she quickly replied.

“Well, if he comes this week, on the 17^th, he will be a lucky baby!” I interjected. Tuesday, March 17^th is St. Patrick’s Day… the day Laura picked in the Mauldin Baby Pool!

“Yah, and I would be right again.” Said Laura, turning around and pointing at herself with a resolute finger. “That means I would be right! Again!”

“Yes dear.” I said in a hesitant agreement. Laura and I are both competitive individuals and so one of us always is right… guess which one that is…

“He just has a few more days,” I said while holding up my hand counting on my fingers. “A few more days and he will be a Pisces!” Baby Gap has astrology onesies and it would be just our luck we buy the one we think he will be and will end up having to return it for the other…

Soon, lil’ man, soon… we keep sayin’… he has heard about how bad the economy is and doesn’t wanna come out! We got your stimulus package!!!!!!! LOL!

It's never too early for Water Safety!

“Hey honey!”

Is what I usually hear from my wife when I get home from work, and this day was no exception. I drive in to the drive way, the garage door, magically, goes up and I pull in. After I basically fall out of my ’06 Black Honda Accord, I have to go through the labyrinth, that is my garage.

“We really need to get it organized sometime soon,” I say to myself under my breathe as I squeeze by my wife’s gray and slightly filthy SUV on my way to the door to the house.

“Hey sweetie!” I say as I walk in the house. “How are you feeling?”

“Oh I am doin’ okay…” she says with no hint of sarcasm. I actually believe she is feeling okay; which is a pretty nice relief considering we have been to the hospital four times now and three of those visits on Thursdays…

“I was looking through the community newsletter,” she says on her way to the kitchen to refill her glass of water. “They are offering a ‘water safety’ class! I wanna take Mauldin.”

“Oh really,” I said. “Well, when is it? What if I wanna go too? Is it during the week? How much is it? Come on now, you can’t just say you wanna do something and not back it up with important factual content.”

“I don’t know, I just read it and wanted to do it.” She said with a longing look.

She was looking at me with her beautiful blue eyes that say… I know you will say yes… Her eyes sometimes just hypnotize me and then she wraps her arms around me and snuggles… okay.. ahem…

As you can tell she makes me forget what I am agreeing to. For example, buying stuff from her sister. Her sister Jennifer has become affiliated with “Orient Expressed.” (I think that is the name of it.) It is a line of children’s clothing… anyway she had a clothing trunk show and we ended up with a couple of swim suits from this show she had... did we need these things, no. However, she wanted them for our child… so, so be it.

But, for this particular instance…the pretty blue eyes weren’t phasing me… Probably because I was so tired and when I want to be involved I tend to be more focused.

“Alright,” I said, “find out some of the info and maybe we can get signed up!”

It wasn’t because I didn’t want to take part, to the contrary.. I wanted to! But, the way things work, well, I am impatient. My wife, Laura, precedes to head over to the couch to sit down and drink her beverage. Obviously, with it being 6 o’clock, in all likliness there will be no one to answer when we make a phone call to the number on the advertisement, but when has that ever stopped me?

“I want more information about this…” I said!

“What are you doing,” Laura retorted. “Are you…”

“Hello, I would like to sign up my son for your “Water Safety” class this June.”

Well, to make a long story short… I called, found out the information, time, place, cost, etc… because I wanted and got Mauldin signed up for the June 16^th-19^th “Water Safety” class! Aren’t we just ahead of the game? So ahead of the game even he is the first one on the list! I mean how hard will it be for him to learn…? Hasn’t he been swimming for, what, eight months now? Anyway, I even put in to take a ½ day off at work so I can go and participate on his first day. Look at me, such the involved father.

It will be fun to see how he reacts to the pool… I’m sure I will feel like Dory from Finding Nemo: “Just Keep Swimming… Just Keep Swimming!” Or as my nephew Drew would say, "Kick, Kick, Kick!"

I'm sweating the small stuff...

The end is near, well atleast the end of Laura’s pregnancy!

Today, at 3 o’clock, is the first doctor’s appointment of our third trimester. (insert Cheers in the background -think surround sound!)

Last night we were sitting in the nursery, as we sometimes do, like we are just waiting for him to walk through the door.

“Hey mom, hey dad! I’m here, change me, burp me, feed me, love me...”

But, of course there is a lot more to a baby than just that, right? (Rhetorical question) All those things are a big part, but I guess we left off one of the big issue… the birth. He has to be born! Speaking of… my beautiful wife has signed us up to have a “birth class” next month. It is a two-day, extensively long, very long class that we are making ourselves go to! I mean, we are paying to do this… are we crazy? It is like going to work, on the weekend! But, maybe we will learn something.

My fears and concerns are becoming more apparent as the days pass. I don’t want to end up on a lifetime special… “our child, switched at birth.” Is there a way we can maybe ask the nurse or doctor to put a huge RED “X” on his lil’ hand or something to signify “this is Mauldin James Skates,” he is our child and don’t you dare try to steal him. I don’t wanna sound like an overly anal freaky parent, but do people actually do this type of thing? Can we request it? Or am I overacting a little bit?

Looking ahead, Laura mentioned to me last night we need to think about a hospital route. Well, yes, that is a good idea, but what if you go into labor and I am not even around? I am at work for eight hours of the day, and the next few months I am taking classes to finish my bachelor degree so what if I am at school? So, do I need to pack a bag and have it in my car at all times? Just thinking about this sent me into panic mode, so I went ahead and got out a small, black L.L.Bean duffle bag and stuffed a wide array of things I may need at the hospital baby wing.

It feels like a month ago we had so much time to prepare for the arrival of the man-child, but now, I am starting to sweat the small stuff… But, luckily Laura has three showers in the near future (one this weekend) so hopefully anything I am worrying we do not have… we will have! I keep hearing, diapers, diapers, you need diapers! Well, the other day we showed off the stack of boxes in our upstairs bonus room, of diapers, and you would probably think people would say,

“wow- that’s enough to cover the kid until the year 2030!” (lets hope he is potty trained by then) But, instead this is what we hear…

“yah that’s a good start, but not nearly enough!”

Insert, OMG and a jaw drop….

Well, prepared or not, we have 81 days to go!