Baby Talk

The other day my wife, Laura, and I were sitting around in my son’s, currently vacant, nursery and were in complete awh of how it is almost finished… almost because it is missing one significant, little tiny, but most important detail! Mauldin!

“Can you believe it?” said Laura while rocking in our big, brown comfy chair. “It seems like just yesterday we were moving the twin bed out of here to make room for all of Mauldin’s things.”

“Yah,” I said while sitting in the floor Indian style, like a small child waiting for a present. “I didn’t think this nursery would ever be complete.”

“Well, it isn’t yet… yah know?” said Laura.

“I know,” I said. “but as soon as he gets here…”

“It will be totally complete.” Said Laura as she scanned the room; from the cherry finished crib to her left to the open closest, that stood open, in front of her. The closet is so full now. It has a wide range of baby clothes from 0-3 to 6-12 months. Little osh-kosh overalls, cute little polo rompers and of course the little new balance shoes that hang so innocently in the shoe hanger on the door.

“Do you think we will remember what clothes he has?” I said wide-eyed and starting to get a slight head-ache. “I mean, we have so many clothes… how can we possibly get him in all those clothes by the time he grows out of them! I seriously think we have over 200 onesies!”

I reached over to my left and pulled open the top drawer to his changing table. The drawer was a little cumbersome to open without some of the clothes spilling out.

“No, I don’t think we will.” Said Laura with a sweet coy smile. She was holding up one of the little, blue newborn shirts with a pink pig on it. The shirt read Our lil’ Ham!

“But, we certainly will try… how cute is this?” she continued with a voice that is a little more high pitched than normal and a hint of baby talk. “He is gonna be so adorable!”

“Yes,” I started. “But, lets just hope we don’t hear the… awh what a cute outfit, instead of, awh what a cute baby! That’s when you know your baby isn’t that cute.”

Laura didn’t even reply to my comment; she continued with her nesting, all the while she was still sitting in the big, brown chair. Laura was focused on folding some of the receiving blankets. She was using her pregnant belly as a way to assist her in the folding.

I sat on the floor and my mind began to wonder off into what it was going to be like, in a few weeks, after my son had arrived. Would his poop make me wanna puke? What if I give him the wrong kind of advice, as a father? More importantly, will he like Star Wars? All of a sudden, I am brought back to the present… as I hear…“would you like that?” Was my wife talking and I was not paying attention? How long had I been gone? Can I play this off without her knowing? I think of that Ellen skit where she shows you how to play off that you weren’t paying attention. I figure, oh why not try it!

I look at her, smile and shake my head as I am nodding yes… Yes! I passed it off… she had no idea! Then I thought.. holy crap Batman – I have no idea, at ALL, to what I was agreeing to. I was hoping it was just about what we would maybe be having for dinner…

I immediately follow and say “hey, you wanna go watch Smallville?” We are big Smallville fans... we have every season except for the current one, of course.

Laura is usually always up for that and this time was no different… my wife is used to my ADD tendancies, so this did not phase her at all.

So, where was I? Ooooh Shiney!